The Boomer Couch“The Joy of Spending”My son Josh has a thing for the jungle. From his wildlife bedspread and white tiger artwork to his Jungle Adventures computer game to his donations to The Nature Conservancy, he has hungered to connect with the wildness of the jungle. This Fall, Josh found a kindred spirit in a high school science teacher who has been to the Peruvian Amazon four times and was planning a fifth trip with a group of students. Josh pulled my husband and I to the planning meeting for this trip, even though he was the sole middle school student expressing an interest. After viewing photos of an impoverished village near the destination, close ups of monster ants, and shots of students swimming in the river where piranhas thrive, we thought for sure that Josh would be daunted. Rather, he came to us immediately after the meeting and said, “I’m going!” We calmly reminded him that this was a costly trip and that we would need to consider whether his participation would even be an option. My husband and I talked that evening. We had both left the meeting with “no” on our lips, and seeing the light in our son’s eyes, started to entertain the impossible. We talked about the courage of our son to want to go to this wild place even though he was younger than the other kids attending and didn’t know whether my husband or I would be able to go with him. We discussed Josh’s innate love of nature and the way his destiny seemed tied up with this passion. It became clear that we both wanted him to go, and that I wanted to witness Josh’s first glimpse of the tropical rain forest. So, with a leap of faith, we signed the forms and sent in deposits to hold a place for Josh and I. Maybe this leap of faith was our form of a rain dance, because our ongoing efforts at rainmaking started paying off. I received a new book contract, my husband’s firm’s accounts receivable were being received at an unprecedented pace, and the checks from my practice were coming in steadily. There is nothing like writing a check for something as exotic as a trip to the Amazon, airfare for two, knowing that there was money to back it and more. Then I got to write a check for snowboard equipment for our older son, Bjorn, who experiences pure joy when he is able to ride his board down a slope. What made it so pleasurable was that these expenditures came without guilt. Peter was not robbed to pay Paul: The mortgage and other expenses associated with family living all got paid. In his gem of a book, The Little Money Bible, Stuart Wilde says that the purpose of money is to help the soul seek out new experiences. And when the soul wants an experience, it feels great to have the money, free and clear, to say YES! We learn a great deal about money growing up, and most of it is negative. Money seems to be something we either lack but want, or something we have at the expense of guilt. “Having money” is often an experience we unconsciously repel. We learn that those who have are less likely to enter the kingdom of heaven, those who have are often envied or despised, and those who have are selfish and irresponsible. We pay less attention to scriptures advocating abundance, forget that having money allows us to give to our families and communities, and assume that only workaholics get rich. Maybe we can have our money and enjoy it too. We can use money responsibly--not only by educating our children and giving to those less fortunate. We can also be responsible as in having the “ability to respond” to the deepest longings of our souls. My son may experience something in the rain forest that will reveal his reason for being here. Or, he may relinquish his jungle fantasy and make room for something that fits even better. Either way, his soul’s purpose will be furthered. Five years ago, my husband’s earnings helped me explore my passion for writing and, ultimately, to share my insights with a larger audience. There was a time when my earnings helped him complete his law degree, fulfilling a childhood dream and giving the world one hell of a lawyer. Before this gets too lofty, let me state perfectly clear: I also love to shop. I come from a family of passionate shoppers, and we have not always been responsible. What I have learned through the ups and downs of retail therapy is that I like to purchase things, but I LOVE to shop. Purchases can result in disappointment or remorse, especially when the credit card bill comes, but the shopping—the act of looking, exploring and discovering, is pure pleasure. Shopping is a process of self-revelation through which I learn what I am drawn to, what excites me, what I am seeking. There is nothing like the feeling of having money in my pocket and not knowing what I’m going to do with it. Much to the bafflement of my husband, I prefer shopping when I have nothing to buy. A therapist once told me that, in dreams, shopping symbolizes having life energy to spend. I savor the feeling of walking down a street of great shops with the smell of potential in the air, but not just potential—potential that can be fulfilled. This is the joy of having money.
Laurie A. Helgoe, Ph.D. is a psychologist and author of the Boomer’s Guide to Dating (Again) Penguin/Alpha, and The Anxiety Answer Book (Sourcebooks). She practices and resides in Charleston, WV. Dr. Helgoe can be reached through her website at www.wakingdesire.com. |